september sucks

This week has been yet again, another disastrous week for me. I know this is more complaining on my part but I can only keep it to myself to the point of exploding. I feel like I'm sailing on the most ill-constructed boat ever, rocking back and forth on the water, unsure when or if I'm going to fall overboard. I'm craving for stability and the more it eludes me, the more frustrated and unhappy I'm becoming. I'm at the point where I cannot mentally focus on anything but trashy reality TV shows like The Rachel Zoe Project. Anything where I can turn my brain off is good for me. When my brain is on, my thoughts continually wander back to certain topics and events and it's like the replay button is stuck, looping me with conversation snippets that just makes me want to cringe and cry. I need a hard slap on the face to compose myself.

I want to go shopping so more and just spend on shoes and nail polish. I want to buy many more pairs of heels but it sucks when I have no where to wear them to, nor anyone who will appreciate them on me. Right now I can say that September is the worst month of all. I'm so emotionally drained that I feel physically ill.